Claim Owner's Greeting
This town page has been gifted to Stephen Colbert by Joe at OnTheMapUS. James Island is his hometown, and it seemed the least we could do to repay him for all the laughs he has given us.
Everything on this page was written by Joe and NOT Stephen Colbert (using quotes and other material from his show) as a tribute to his highly amusing TV persona. It was done in the voice of that persona (first person) as it is far more entertaining.
This web page is not about me. No, it's dedicated to you, the heroes. And who are the heroes? The people who use the Internet, average hard-working Americans. You're not the elites. You're not the country club crowd. I know for a fact my country club would never let you in. You're the folks who say something has to be done. And you're doing something. You're surfing the web.
As everyone knows, I am the nation's leading journalist and premier opinion influencer. No doubt, you have seen my television show, The Colbert Report. And now, infamy (beyond that which I already possess) is mine, as I am hereby the subject of my own "Hometown Hero Town" piece.
You see, the town you are currently visiting is none other than my own childhood hometown of James Island, South Carolina. Where's the story in that you ask? Ahhh. Simply this. There WAS no actual town of James Island South Carolina until its famous 'hometown-boy-made-good' (let the reader read 'me') ended up on the Time Magazine List of 100 Most Influential People. And please, let there be no mistake about this, as it can't be denied. The Time list came out in May 2006 and James Island became an official town in June. Both attempts prior to the aid of my massive influence failed utterly in 2000 and 2002.
[Although you can't see me, I am taking a victory lap around my computer].
[And now the big bow to you, my audience.]
A Little Bit About Life in My Town
 I remember so many things... Sucking gnats in the hot South Carolina summers playing centerfield in little league baseball. (Well, 'center' centerfield... we played 15 to a side)...
...My horse, Fantasia Minor... I still remember the day I told my mother that I was giving up horseback riding to play only little league baseball. You see, I was being teased for my love of riding (or maybe because I left on my velvet hat and jodhpurs when I went to baseball practice). The name "Little Lord Fauntleroy" comes painfully back to my mind. With no one to ride her, Fantasia Minor was eventually sold to a muslin factory. To this day, I can't bring myself to lick an envelope without whispering... "Good girl".
But I learned an important lesson that day...Do everything you can to fit in. Conformity is its own reward.
Personal Interests
Like my show, my musings on this page are an acquired taste. If you don't like it, acquire some taste.
And speaking of taste...I enjoy eating the ice cream Ben And Jerry named after me, Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream. Pick some up and enjoy great ice cream and great packaging! 
In what little spare time I have ('Most Influential People' tend to keep busy), I enjoy watching the Saginaw Spirit play ice hockey, cheered to victory by their mascot, Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle. I wouldn't bet against the Spirit... would you, Oshawa Mayor John Grey?
Now that I have received my honorary doctorate, (recent attempts to burn it nothwithstanding) I have also begun helping many grateful people with their medical issues. And please, spare me from the nitpickers and other liberalistas who point out that the doctorate is in Fine Arts. A doctor is a doctor. I have truthiness on my side.
Otherwise my time is spent planning my inevitable assault on the very pinnacle of the Time Most Influential List. Only one obstacle remains in my way. I've got you in my sites Rain!
Top Ten Things on My Fantasy List
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| 10. |
Weekend with Dr. House
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| 9. |
Duet with Justin Timberlake
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| 8. |
Colmes in Gitmo
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| 7. |
Attend Hogwarts
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| 6. |
Astronaut License
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| 5. |
Try Appletini
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| 4. |
Leather Pants
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| 3. |
Golf with Nixon
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| 2. |
Hunt Man
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| 1. |
Wrestle Manilow
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"I can't prove it, but I can say it."
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Ready to rumble Jane Fonda?
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Coming soon to a bookstore near you! Or pre-order now at amazon.com.
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"I'm part of the 'Blame-America-Last' crowd."
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The best damn mascot in the world of sport.
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Throwing out the first pint at the Charleston Riverdogs vs. Savannah Sandgnats game
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